A Little Humor to Lighten Up Your Day ..."

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A Little Humor to Lighten Up Your Day ..."

Amish Techno-Encounter

An Amish boy and his father were in a shopping mall for their first time ever. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, 'What is this, Father?'

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded,
'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is'.

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a large old lady in a wheelchair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out.

The father said quietly to his son..... 'Boy, go fetch your Maw!'

Great Truths

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
Wrinkles don't hurt.
Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts
Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
Laughing is good exercise ... It's like jogging on the inside.
Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

Surgeon Encourgin'

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son.
"Yes, Dad, what is it? "
"Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife ...."

What is Success?

At age 4 success is . . . . Not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . Having friends.
At age 17 success is . . Having a driver's license.
At age 35 success is . . .having money.
At age 50 success is . .... . Having money.
At age 70 success is . .... Having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . Having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . Not piddling in your pants.

Power of the Pills

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.
"Is it true," she wanted to know, that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."

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